Saturday, October 20, 2012

Death Cab

The student's think that it is amusing to ride the elevator and ring the "emergency bell". We've had some on-going issues with our elevators, I'm not going to say that someone is going to die, but our typical response is simply "they passed inspection." When you think about it; "they passed inspection" clearly puts the responsibility on the approving agency as well as does not answer the death question. Finally, I heard the elevator bell go off as one of the elevators was on its downward trip. I was about to step in the door way of the elevator and take ID's, when some girl ran in front of me and yell at the three guys who had no idea they were about to be bombarded. The girls sat there screaming at them and informing them "you're going to fucking die and no one is going to fucking come for you, because we'll just hear the bell and ignore it!" My favorite line was about how maybe their mother did not read to them as children, but the "boy who cried wolf" should have been instilled in them by the time they were five. Although I was impressed with her proactive response to the situation, I was a bit sad that she was not culturally compassionate with regards to our large international student population.

My supervisor had a talk with me the other day about what my "next steps" in the profession are going to be. I kindly explained to him that I have a partner who has a "forever job" and I'm quite comfortable. He seemed a bit taken aback and explained, "Surely you don't want to do this for the rest of your life?" My response? …"I don't want to do it now, but it pays the bills". I then paused and reflected on that last statement and re-explained, "no, I want to do this forever". I knew that the second answer would horrify him and leave him confused. It did. I feel that he still tries to push the issue in every one to one meeting I have with him. There's an amazing realization in one's life when he/she recognizes that they have a sugar momma/daddy and what else they do is just meager fodder to the relationship. I feel that graduate programs in Student Affairs should be focusing on matchmaking and finding loved ones who are not in the profession. That to me is better than any professional ladder, requires less hours, and brings a higher level of reward.

If you're in Student Affairs, especially Residence Life…close your eyes and imagine…the one person (usually a lady in her 50's) who is single, made it to the "top" or near "top" and has some nieces and nephews that he/she cares deeply about, and maybe a dog (not always)….but is this what I'm supposed to be climbing the career ladder too? For the time being I will defer and spending my evenings with a loved one and friends at a bar…oh, and out of the office by 5:00 p.m.

Friday, October 5, 2012

Lotion & Torn Shades

Tonight I walked into one of my lounges; there was baby lotion on the floor and the window shades were all torn down. If I had my guess there was some wild sex that occurred on that window. My guess is some exhibition. The couch was thrown against the other wall to open up room. Once I again, I sat there asking myself; "Is this really my life?" Granted, the view from the 17th floor is quite lovely. I could certainly see how it would set the mood.


 

Yesterday, I sat in my office as some strange student sat there screaming at the Desk Assistant. I asked the kid if he was a student at my school. His response to me was to almost punch me in my face. Again, I asked, "Is this really my life?"


 

I had a student who was wearing shorts that went so far up her ass that I did not think she was wearing shorts. I really thought she was pantless (apparently pantless is not a word according to MS Word). I had to stop myself behind her and then run into my office. I didn't know if I could handle the situation, it was too much. Again…."Is this really my life".


 

I explained to a parent the other day that once I pee'd on myself. The parent was concerned that her daughter's roommate was a danger to the community because she actually wet herself on her daughter's chair (the roommate). The chair wetter apparently was engaging in conversation with her roommate and accidently wet the chair. Granted, it is not natural, and it brings up its own host of problems. Yet, the parent was adamant that the girl who wet the chair was a threat. A THREAT. There are a lot of threats out there…and seriously, we all know the dangers of students taking a gun into public, but because a girl had an accident. No, dear parent, not this child…but rather maybe the student who actually threatened to bring a gun is a bit more of a threat….or that kid who wears the trench coat and mutters to himself….but I digress.


 

As I had had enough of the parent's stupidity and ignorance I finally admitted to the mother, "I once pee'd on myself and it was the funniest moment of my life." I then tried to explain to the mother that I was playing "ouch Frisbee" with a group of friends. We kept hitting the fat kid with the Frisbee and it was funny. I then laughed so hard, I pee'd myself. Even in re-telling the story my eyes watered with tears at the memory ten years ago. If anything, I shut that mother up with my own breed of crazy.


 

*Look, I'm heavy set, we weren't bullying. Our friend just happened to be really heavy set, I actually lost ouch Frisbee, but the heavy set kid's flip flop broke and it was funny.


 

**Okay, it doesn't sound as funny in writing, but it was the funniest damn moment of my life. …and yeah, I pee'd myself.