Wednesday, August 17, 2011

I went to school for this?

The summer tradition of trying to do twenty-five years of upkeep in three months has just ended for me. After enduring periods of no hot water, scalding hot water, no air conditioning, banging at seven a.m. and fire alarms, I am now faced with opening a building missing twenty doors to student rooms. It just baffles me that year after year the lesson is never learned. I also don't have locks on some of the doors that are up, but whatever, the student can just sit in their room waiting a few days for a lock. I'm okay with it. Never mind the whole community bathroom thing. Our locksmith is working as fast as he can. Granted, he has one arm and is legally blind. However, he does maneuver quite quickly. I guess I'd rather him that the alcoholic locksmith at the last school. That one wore loud Hawaiian shirts.

The project manager for the renovation was sad yesterday. Explaining to me that she was up at 2 a.m. vacuuming the hallways and getting a lesson in humility as all my lazy staff members watched her bust her ass. Something she said resonated with me. "I went to college for four years to vacuum hallways?" My immediate thought was "Yes, to use a Wet Vac you need at least a six year degree." That's right; my M.Ed is actually an online certificate of appreciation in Wet Vac'ing skills. I can Wet Vac like no other, in the cold, in the heat, in the middle of the night. I am there. I even have my little technique of hiking up my PJ's and wearing my no-slip Addias flip-flops. Hell, I've even pulled in my loved ones and family members and forced them to Wet Vac with me.

My student's now don't believe that I know how to Wet Vac. I refuse to do it any more, well…now that I'm in a position of authority. I mean, I did some Wet Vac'ing about a year ago, but it was only because there was dire need and the student staff was allowing himself to get hit in the face with the a powerful stream of water to prevent me from getting wet. However, I recall Wet Vac'ing showers, other HD's apartments, and a laundry room that would flood anytime anyone used washer #6. I guess the more logical thing would have been to ensure that the sign always stayed on it…but I digress.

Let the children bemoan me. I did my time; I have nothing to prove to them! I even wet vac'ed after my co-worker's apartment pipes burst. Sprinting the 45 yards to her apartment I grabbed her illegally stashed dog and ran across my own lobby dripping wet. To this day I can only hope that the night security saw me running with a 45 lb Mastif Puppy across my own lobby. However, after that puppy was happily shoved in my bathroom I went right back and wet vac'ed scalding hot water when it was 20 degrees in that apartment. That's right, I'm a trooper.

Four years of higher education earns you the right vacuum the hallway, but six years of a higher education allows you the opportunity to operate the heavy machinery.